Dealing With

Grief and Loss

By Ralph Surette, Ph.D.

Dr. Surette is a Psychologist in Alexandria.

Comments may be sent to ralphsur@gmail.com.

        In the course of our everyday lives we all are confronted with the problem of dealing with the grief associated with a loss. Whether it is a personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the dissolution of a marriage or a communal loss of innocence, safety and security, we all need to process grief constructively.

Here are a few suggestions to assist in making sense of, and coming to accept, loss and the grieving it engenders.

• Each person’s grief is different. Be respectful of both what you share with others and what is unique to yourself and others.
• Grief is not a mental illness! It is a natural result of being human.
• Healing is a process; it takes different lengths of time for different people to work through it. There is no “normal” timetable for how long this process should take.
• Remember that is quite normal and acceptable to feel anger as well as sadness in response to a loss.
• Little is gained and much is distorted if one invests too much time in blaming God or whoever for one’s losses. A broken heart is part of being human and none of us ever escapes the grief it engenders.
• Finally, forgiveness is a therapeutic miracle! In the end, one is always bereft after a loss. One can be bereft and blaming, with the associated resentment that fuels the blame, or one can be forgiving, with the peace and empowerment that it instills in your heart. Take your pick!!