Sermon Recording

John 20:19-31

19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you." 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."

24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."

26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." 27 Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." 28 Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!" 29 Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe."

30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

*****

When I was back in North Carolina for Christmas a couple years ago, I had coffee with an old friend. We've been friends since we were 13. Though we don't talk often we know each other well enough that when we do get together, the conversation is much more than a chat about the weather or a chronology of events. It's a discussion about what is significant about our lives and who we are and who we're becoming.

That afternoon we talked about his upcoming move to San Francisco—he's an engineer and moving out there to take a new job after finishing his Master's degree. We talked about his anxiety about working for a company whose research goes toward weaponry and how that sits uncomfortably with his Quaker upbringing. We talked about my last semester of seminary, what I've learned, what I'm planning after graduation, how the experience has changed me… And then he asked me, "Why do you believe in God?"

I sat there for a minute and stared blankly into my coffee. "Geez," I remember thinking, "four years of seminary…I should be able to answer this question… I've written all those papers on theological concepts, and biblical interpretation, and Christian ethics, and statements of faith, and descriptions of my sense of call…" All of those writings presuppose belief. It's not often that I've been asked to take a step back and reflect on why I believe. In that moment, I know my friend's question, though honest in his desire to hear my answer, is layered with the question, "why should I believe?" "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side," my friend was saying to me, "I will not believe."

****

Thomas is called "the twin," one preacher suggests, because he is our twin. When the disciples tell Thomas they've seen the risen Lord, Thomas voices the statement that is on many of our lips. "I'll believe it when I see it," he says. How often do we operate under the same rubric? I believe it's spring because of the incessant spring showers. I believe a big hunk of metal can fly because I've ridden in an airplane. I believe a child's heart and lungs can be completely stopped and he can still be alive because I've seen an open-heart surgery. I am Thomas's twin; "unless I see, I will not believe."

I take some small comfort in that at least it seems I'm in good company. The disciples in this story, although they haven't been called "The Doubters" like Thomas has, they suffer from the same inability to believe. In John's gospel, just before the text we just heard, it is Easter morning and Mary Magdalene has been to the tomb and seen the risen Christ! She hastily returns to the disciples to announce what she has seen!... Apparently her words don't sink in because we soon find the disciples gathered behind locked doors, fearful of the community that has executed their leader. It is there, behind those locked doors, that Jesus first appears to them, meeting their fear with a gift of peace. He shows the fearful disciples his hands and his side and "they rejoiced when they saw the Lord!!" Unless they see, they will not believe.

The next time they are with Thomas, the disciples tell him that they've seen their risen Lord! And, it's no wonder, really, that Thomas doesn't take their word for it. They are telling him something outlandish. A man he saw executed on the cross is alive?, is walking around in flesh and blood? Have his friends gone nuts? It is not crazy that he doesn't believe them; really his is a fairly sane response. "You all must be confused. People don't rise from the dead. Maybe your grief is causing you to see things. Perhaps you were duped by an imposter. Unless I see the marks of the nails, and put my finger in the mark of the nails, I will not believe." For this rational response, Thomas is eternally labeled THE DOUBTER. His faith, it is said, is too weak to believe what his friends tell him. His skepticism prevents him from hearing the good news. If that's the case we might expect that Thomas's reaction would anger Jesus, that he would be upset and disappointed that Thomas, one of his twelve, has been seduced by fear and doubt. "Uh, oh," I find myself thinking as I read the story, "Thomas is in for it now." But, as is often the case, Jesus responds differently than I expect. Rather than responding to Thomas in anger and disappointment or shunning him for not believing, Jesus appears again to the disciples, and he says to Thomas, "Here, put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out and touch my side. Do not doubt, but believe." Where we expect Jesus to shame Thomas, he instead reaches out to offer Thomas what he needs to believe.
***

Belief is a pretty loaded term in this passage. "Do not doubt, but believe," Jesus says in our English translation. This translation sets up a contrast between belief and doubt, suggesting that belief is the absence of doubt. I'm not convinced that contrast exists in the Greek. Oh, there is a contrast to be sure, but in the Greek, Jesus says, "do not be unbelieving, but believe." The heart of belief is not absence of doubt, it is trust. Belief describes the correct relationship between us and God—a relationship of trust.

Trust and doubt are not mutually exclusive. I can certainly think of situations of trust that still involve doubt. Have you ever done one of those trust falls at a ropes course, for example? For a trust fall you stand on a block about two feet off the ground and your teammates, who are on the ground, line up behind you with their arms outstretched. You stand there, with you back to them, cross your arms, close your eyes tight (well, I close my eyes tight!), and on the count of three, fall back where their arms are waiting to catch you.

I have never stood on that block and not had some inkling of doubt creep into my mind. But, I've also taken a deep breath and let my doubt give way to trust and allowed myself to fall back. I have always been caught by the soft net of my teammates' arms. I've also been around when the fall hasn't gone so smoothly, when part of the team falters and the person falling stutters downward. But even then, the person is caught and helped to the ground.

Faith, it seems, is trust that one puts into practice, even if doubt clouds the way. Jesus does not dismiss Thomas's doubt, but rather offers Thomas what he needs to allow his doubt to give way to belief, to trust. "Unless I see…"

Jesus lets him see.

You and I don't have the luxury of having Jesus walk through the locked doors of our fearful lives and offering his hands and side as proof to us, the way he did for the disciples and for Thomas. So instead, we go looking for proof in our own ways. We have great philosophers who have attempted to prove the existence of God using reason. We have physicists who have written books about God as an orderer of the universe. But, I don't find these conventional methods of proof very compelling in the case of faith. Though I have utmost respect for ways philosophy can enlighten us, and what science can teach us, these disciplines don't offer me what I need to see in order to believe.

Rather, I see in the witness of scripture the truth about Jesus' values, teachings, and powerful act of redemption in his death and resurrection. I see faith communities, communities like this one, where people gather together to tell the Great Story, to study the Great Story, and to open their lives to discipleship. And I see the face of Jesus in the poor, the sick, the naked, and the imprisoned. And I see moments when people become the hands and feet of Christ to one another.

I don't offer these as trite or Pollyanna-like reasons to believe in God. The world is far too complex and far too broken for such blind denial or naïve optimism. Even two short weeks after Easter, the hallelujahs have faded as we look around us and see all too clearly that we live in a Good Friday world. We can look across the globe to continued violence in Iraq and Afghanistan. Or we can look down Lee Highway to the Breezeway Hotel. Or around our own neighborhoods to foreclosures and layoffs. It is all too clear that there is a great deal of brokenness, tremendous pain, and overwhelming injustice and suffering around us.

Even so, there are moments I have been able to look around me and to see, in people and communities, in the natural world, and in simple graces, the wounds of the risen Lord, even if they are only fleeting moments. Just as Jesus gave Thomas what he needed to believe, I have found places that bolster me and allow my doubt to give way to trust in God.

One such place was in the children's hospital where I worked as a chaplain a few summers ago. I was called into the hospital one night for an emergency. I was still new to the hospital and doubted that I had much of anything to offer a family in anguish, so I went with trepidation. That night I was called in because a baby boy was being taken off life support. I had met the family the day before when I had been present for Jose's baptism. That night I gathered with the family and I said a prayer. Jose died in his mother's arms. I sat with the family while they talked to one another. Though the family members could speak English well, in that grief-filled night they understandably spoke to one another in Spanish. I caught snippets of the conversation but my Spanish isn't great. So mostly I felt awkward and inept. I didn't really know what to do; I couldn't understand what they were saying. I was tired. It was sad. I wanted to go home. The family wanted me to stay so we sat there, in a circle. They cried. They talked. This went on for hours.

At some point in the night I looked over at the mother, holding her son, and I saw a plaque on her rocking chair that said that the chair was given in honor of Kendra Laurel Houck. My breath caught in my throat and tears welled in my eyes and a sense of peace came over me. Kendra was a childhood friend of mine who died young and had been treated in that very hospital. Seeing that plaque grounded me, helped me to believe that in times when I feel most forsaken, there will be a light in the darkness, if only I will notice it. You might say that my seeing that plaque that night was a coincidence. Or perhaps it was Jesus saying, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Do not doubt but believe" – a fleeting glimpse of the wounds of the risen Lord that allows my doubt to give way to trust.

It is those glimpses that build a faith.

When Jesus offers his wounds to Thomas so that Thomas might believe, Thomas responds in faith without even placing his hands on the wounds. I don't imagine his is a jubilant and hearty proclamation of faith. Rather, I imagine his breath catches in his throat as he whispers an honest and humble confession, "My Lord and my God."

***

If I could rewind the tape of my life and go back to that winter afternoon, drinking coffee with my friend, I think I would answer, "I believe in God because of the moments in my life when I have felt despair and doubt, when I have looked around at a world that is broken and suffering and I have seen a glimpse of love, compassion, courage, or grace in another person or earth. In those moments Jesus offers his wounds so that I might believe. In those moments I have felt my breath catch in my throat and there is nothing to say other than to whisper, "my Lord and my God."

Thanks be to God. Amen.

Sources:

MarkMark Buechner, Frederick. Secrets in the Dark. San Francisco: Harper Collins, 2006, p. 260-1.
Mark From O’Day, Gail. New Interpreter’s Bible, v. 9. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1995.
Mark Balz, Horst and Gerhard Schneiber (eds.) Exegetical Dictionary of the New Testament, vol. 3. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1993, 92.
Mark Balz, 93.